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21 December 2009 @ 09:47 pm
[One-Shot] One Two Three Four Five  
Title: One Two Three Four Five
Members: Arashi
Genre: Crack
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own Arashi.
Summary: Unique babies.
A/N: Based on 'My Girl' PV.


Their first child was named Ichiro.

Papa and Mama were worried sick when their first child didn’t wail as loudly as normal babies would no matter how many times the doctor hit Ichiro’s ass. Tears only trickled across his chubby cheeks.

The doctor did many tests repeatedly but found nothing wrong with the baby. He assures Papa and Mama that nothing is wrong with their child.

Their baby was very quiet and only cried silently if he needed milk or the toilet. He was probably the easiest baby to take care of.


When Ichiro reached six months, Papa introduced him to the world of colors through crayons. Papa was delighted at how fascinated Ichiro had looked.

The next day, the walls were completely filled with scribbles and not a single corner was spared. With colors all over his face, Ichiro let out a chuckle and drew a blue line across Papa’s dumbfounded face.


Papa and Mama were starting to get worried over Ichiro again when Ichiro hadn’t spoken a word while toddlers around his age were able to say ‘Mama’. Ichiro had only let out some incomprehensible sounds. They tried teaching Ichiro every day but Ichiro doesn’t seem to be putting any effort himself.

Then one day when Mama came home boasting to Papa about the cheap prices she managed to get at the market, Ichiro’s little fingers had pointed to the creature in Mama’s hand.

“Fish.”

Mama dropped everything in her hand including the huge sea-bass. “He.. talked!”

Ichiro’s eyes met the dead ones of the sea-bass and he crawled towards the creature.
He stared at it for a moment and started giggling.

“Papa… he talked!”

Papa wraps his arms around her shoulders and says, “I know, but..” he took a look at Ichiro giggling at the dead creature. “Why fish?”

*

Ichiro tugged at Papa’s shirt when he saw Mama’s tummy at seven months.

“Umai?” he asked with a small finger pointed at Mama’s tummy.

Papa lightly hit Ichiro’s head.


Unlike Ichiro, Jiro cried like a normal baby after Mama gave birth.

“Sensei, is it a boy or a girl?” Mama asked, exhausted.

“It’s a gi-, a boy.” The doctor cleared his throat. “It’s a boy.”

“Why did you almost say he’s a girl?” asked Papa.

“You see…” the doctor started. “I’ve been working in this line for so long that it can get a little boring. So, I started to try determining a newborn baby’s gender without looking at the bottom-half..”

What a weird doctor, Papa thought. “Is there something about my son’s top-half that almost had you mistaken?”

“He has these really sloping shoulders…”


When Jiro first reached home, he was wailing and crying and Mama had no idea why. It wasn’t milk or the toilet. She tried rocking Jiro to sleep but he just wouldn’t stop crying.

Ichiro, who was in his room silently watching Papa clean the walls for the umpteenth time heard his new brother crying and crawled to Mama and Jiro.

Mama spotted Ichiro and said, “Ichiro, this is Jiro. Say hi.”

Ichiro stared at Jiro who was still crying and toddled away. Mama sighed.

Two minutes later, Jiro was still crying and both Papa and Mama were at a loss.

Ichiro then toddled into the scene with an object in his hands.

“Ichiro, put that back to where it belongs,” Papa ordered.

Ichiro ignored him and placed it in front of Jiro’s eyes.

Jiro stopped crying.

Ichiro smiled and rotated the mini-globe revealing continents and countries to Jiro.

Jiro seemed to have fallen in love with globes.

*

When Ichiro was three and Jiro had turned one, Mama got pregnant once more.

Close to nine months, Jiro pointed at Mama’s round tummy. “Globe.”

Mama chuckled at her son and pats his head. “Not everything round are globes.” She took Jiro’s hand and placed it on her tummy. “It’s your new brother.”


When Mama’s water bag broke, Ichiro and Jiro were told to stay home.

As soon as the baby was out, the doctor hit Saburo’s tiny ass. No tears fell.

“Is that…” Papa’s eyes widened. “Our baby is laughing?!”

The doctor could only return a puzzled look then added, “He’s a healthy boy.”


“Sa-bu-ro,” Jiro tried how it would wound on his tongue.

Ichiro and Jiro reached out to touch either side of their brother’s cheek.

Saburo laughed.

Ichiro and Jiro backed away but Saburo continued to laugh. Ichiro eyes met Jiro’s and in less than three second, they were all laughing for no apparent reason.

Papa and Mama were silently watching their three children.

“A newborn baby shouldn’t be able to laugh!” Papa whispered.

Mama sighed. “Have any of our children been normal?”


Papa and Mama were so relieved when Saburo started crying after a month. Though, that child continued to laugh whenever he sees Ichiro or Jiro.

When Saburo was eight-months-old, a new zoo opened near their home and Papa decided to bring his three sons for a trip there.

“Very danger!” Saburo exclaimed. In English.

Those were his first words. Not ‘Papa’ or ‘Mama’. Papa thinks he doesn’t want to try understanding his sons anymore.

A week later, Papa buys them a dog. Saburo jumped up and down when he saw the creature and named it ‘Cuticle’ immediately.

(“Ichiro! Saburo! Put on your pants! Just because Cuticle isn’t wearing any clothes, it doesn’t mean you can run around naked!”)

Cuticle soon became an irreplaceable member of the family.

*

Saburo’s excitement when he came to know of Shiro’s existence was far higher than any two-year-old out there.

He was jumping as high as his little legs would let him when Mama comes back from the hospital with Shiro in her arms.

“Shiro! Shiro-chan!”

Shiro’s arms accidentally fell they hung loosely from his sides. Saburo who was still jumping got his head hit by Shiro’s little hand.

“Ow!” Saburo cried.

Ichiro, who was watching Saburo said, “Mama, Shiro hit Saburo’s head.”

“Nonsense,” Mama answered. “Shiro’s just came into this world. There’s no way he
would know how to hit your brother.”

“But-“

“Put your pants on!”


The year Shiro was born; Papa bought Nintendo for his sons to play with. Saburo tends to sit beside Shiro when he plays with his and Shiro would stare at the screen with a glint in his eyes.

The first sounds Shiro made were of slashing swords, gunshots and punching sound effects.


When Shiro was able to crawl, he somehow always miraculously appears beside Papa and Papa’s counting money. And when one or two notes went missing, Papa would pray that Shiro hasn’t peed in his diapers.

If ever they weren’t in Shiro’s diapers, Papa would know to look inside Ichiro’s pants.

*

The following year, Goro was born in the month of August.

Papa left his kids with Uncle Nagase when he had to rush Mama to the hospital. (“Nii-san.” “DON’T CALL ME NII-SAN.”)

Mama had stayed with Goro for three days in the hospital and Papa brought his four sons home after a night at Uncle Nagase’s house.

Jiro was drawing in the living room and for once not holding a globe when Papa and Mama arrived. (“Jiro-nii, is that a snowman? Why does it have hair on it?” “It’s Totoro!”

When the four brothers beckoned Mama to let them take a look at Goro, the baby started crying when he was out of Mama’s reach. Mama immediately brought Goro back in her arms.

“Mama, he’s holding onto something,” Jiro pointed out.

“Your ring,” Shiro added.


Ichiro and Jiro each took turns taking care of Goro while Saburo and Shiro just followed them around the house as they were still young.

Jiro did most of the work like feeding Goro milk or changing his diapers. Papa was so proud of Jiro.

Ichiro, apparently realized Goro’s interest in rings and all he did was giving Goro one of Papa’s rings whenever Goro cried.

That plan had never failed.


Maybe because they had only brothers, Ichiro, Jiro, Saburo and Shiro would sometimes dress Goro up as a girl. When Goro ended up wailing and bawling, they would flee and leave Goro alone in a dress.

Every night at dinner, Papa had to remind them that Goro was a boy.

Goro, as he grew up, learnt how to remove the dresses and would rummage through his brothers’ closets and then crawl to Mama with their best clothes gesturing her to help him put it on. It’s a wonder to Mama how Goro even knows that those were his brothers’ best outfits.

*

“Kids, what are you doing?”

“Saburo-nii said he thought up of a game with balloons.”

“It’s called the breast explosion game! It’s really easy! You put two balloons into your shirt and you pop them without using your hands!” Saburo happily stated.

Papa sighed and decided it was better to leave his sons alone lest the walls get drawn, his new globe breaks, the kitchen gets destroyed, and his money and rings disappear.

Pop.
 
 
Current Music: Arashi- Smile
 
 
 
Julia the Petrified Avian: Arashi Lovepebblegosling on December 21st, 2009 02:31 pm (UTC)
.....I have to praise your awesomeness now.
This.
Epic.
also...AWESOMENESS.
I love love loooove it.
...The world needs more my girl pv fic.
Maenino_arashi on December 21st, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
Whoa, you're fast!
This comment makes me feel really glad. Writing this fic was really fun XD
Thank you so much for reading!
(no subject) - pebblegosling on December 21st, 2009 02:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Jendesujendesu on December 21st, 2009 02:35 pm (UTC)
SUGOI!!!!
It's AWESOME!!!!!
Jun just knows were the fine clothes are at!!!
I loved you story! XP
Maenino_arashi on December 21st, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
Jun's just awesome like that.
I'm glad you liked it!
Thank you so much for reading!
mika_sasakimika_sasaki on December 21st, 2009 02:51 pm (UTC)
...That was AMAZING!!!
hahahahahhahaha
Such unique children ne?
Maenino_arashi on December 21st, 2009 02:52 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you think so :D
Thank you so much for reading!
bob lemonboblemon on December 21st, 2009 02:59 pm (UTC)
LOL I especially liked the part that they dressed Goro up as a girl. xD
Maenino_arashi on December 21st, 2009 03:00 pm (UTC)
I just had to insert that XD
Thank you so much for reading!
emi84: Ninoemi84 on December 21st, 2009 03:00 pm (UTC)
I laugh very hard when Saburo came... This is so funny and I really love it...

“Have any of our children been normal?”
Maenino_arashi on December 21st, 2009 03:01 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you did :D
Thank you so much for reading!
guppy_chan: o-changuppy_chan on December 21st, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
lol...this is the most fun loving fic i ever laid my eyes on! i love all the details u put on each arashi members! ichiro the fish-enthusiast
jiro the occasional mother
saburo the animal lover n the bundle of joy
shiro the brat, money-lover n ds-lover
goro the fashion-enthusiast n ring lover

thanks for sharing!!
ps:is there goin to be sequels? hehe..
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:03 am (UTC)
They are most lovable babies out there XD
Hmm.. I don't have plans for a sequel, but.. we'll see!
Thank you so much for reading!
misaki82misaki82 on December 21st, 2009 03:23 pm (UTC)
This fic really crack me up.....!
Thanks for writing and sharing this!
You've made my day! ^^
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:04 am (UTC)
I'm glad it did!
Thank you so much for reading!
assireN: Sho: TQS2 - Yay~!aiek08 on December 21st, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh~ This is so good I can't stop laughing since Ichiro was born!

My Girl PV is really the best story PV they ever got. (Well, they only have two, anyway~) Hahahaha...
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:05 am (UTC)
Arashi as brothers in a PV shall always be epic XD
Thank you so much for reading!
Keikocris_kanaschiro on December 21st, 2009 03:29 pm (UTC)
Oh damn crack! XD

Love them all! Thank you for sharing!
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:06 am (UTC)
Crack makes the world go round :D
Thank you so much for reading!
reversemirror: arashireversemirror on December 21st, 2009 03:32 pm (UTC)
Oh god this is so freakin' adorable! Arashi!Babies. xD And using the My Girl Pv (there needs to be more My Girl fics). So much love! ♥♥♥♥♥
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:07 am (UTC)
Arashi are the most lovable babies out there :D
Thank you so much for reading!
The Unspeakablebarefootprint on December 21st, 2009 03:33 pm (UTC)
Have any of our children been normal? pfft. it's a bit impossible to be normal when it comes to those 5. they are very special kids. lol XDD

this is funny and awesome! i just had to laugh at jiro. he's in love with the globe XDD

thanks for sharing! =3
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:07 am (UTC)
They really are very special kids XD
Thank you so much for reading!
Fizharuchaan on December 21st, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO That was super awesome crack. XD I couldn't stop giggling and bursting out into laughter at their characterization. XDD The mum's awesome for giving birth to 5 awesome dorks. XDD
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
Epic dorks XD
Thank you so much for reading!
Jessmuffinmaverick on December 21st, 2009 03:36 pm (UTC)
I couldn't quit giggling when I read this. It's so easy to picture the scenes in my mind of the five little amazing guys :) I bet their household must be a really, really fascinating one with these five little boys :)
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
It will be the best household out there :D
Thank you so much for reading!
riapi: sakuraibariapi on December 21st, 2009 03:47 pm (UTC)
haha... awesome... arashi babies are riot~ nice.. haha
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
Arashi will be the most lovable babies ever <3
Thank you so much for reading!
betzi_chan: Junbetzi_chan on December 21st, 2009 04:34 pm (UTC)
OMG!
I LOOOOVVVVEEEEEEDDDD IT!
it is really great.
i laughed a lot and how you discribed them. *lol*
really good!
Maenino_arashi on December 22nd, 2009 01:10 am (UTC)
I'm glad you did :D
Thank you so much for reading!